THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY
I live by the mountains in a cabin
And though time’s moved on, I haven’t
I exclusively
Reclusively dwell inside
No one else is here
But me, myself, and I
And her
She still haunts me to this day
I wait for the return
Of the one that got away
She whispers sweet nothing in my ear
In dreams she drives me mad
With what I’ve lost over the years
And all I could have had
I was young the day I met her
Morbid chance brought us together
My grandma died
At funeral time, our eyes lock and tether
I could not keep away
Her beauty I’d discovered
An enigma -- A paradox
A gravity like no other
She was not well-liked
But people seemed to know her
We both wore black clothes
And identified as loners
And lovers
Secretly passing notes in class
When I was sad
She was the only friend I had
Then my father caught us one night
Fooling around up on the balcony
He expunged my plunge and voyage
Into her beckoning anatomy
He assured me she was bad news
A huge mistake, a femme fatale
Insisted I keep my distance
So I resisted her siren’s call
I live by the mountains in a cabin
And while I thought I’d move on, I haven’t
I hear old bones, and floorboards creaking
My memories are fragile, fleeting
Like dust sculptures
I carved and cultured
Then sepulchered on a shelf
Kept out of reach from myself
But still, through tired eyes and cataracts
With vision that is blurry and inexact
I watch lucid reenactments
Of my self-imposed entrapment.
It is my wedding day now
I smile and say my vows
But the one that got away
Is not my future spouse.
This miscarriage of a marriage
Only meant to be temporary
An unsuspecting cover-up
For the sadness that I can’t bury
All things we share
Be they verbal, or physical
Are mundane obligations
Or just empty rituals
Our bed is silent
A non-violent coliseum
Passive aggressive
Throats choked and broken by the tedium
Resentment slowly rising
Realizing decisions
To carve scars into each other’s hearts
With surgical precision
Meanwhile, I stockpile
Thoughts of having an affair
My old flame is burning
Yearning for me out there
I know if I go through with it
I’ll probably be reviled
But an exile from this domicile
Is the only thing that seems worthwhile
After all this time
She wasn’t hard to find
We planned to rendezvous
At sunset, around five
But her train ran late
And I couldn’t handle the anticipation
My resolve dissolves, I chicken out
Stood her up, and left the station
I later confess to my wife
My secret moment of weakness
She stares at me in tears
Heart-broken and speechless
I live by the mountains in a cabin
Though my ex-wife’s moved on, I haven’t
On some days I manage
To break this cabin’s fever
I head outside to wander
And ponder ‘mongst the cedars
My feeble limbs come back aching
And I am greeted by never more
Than ravens stalking, mocking
Gathered around my door
Until one day, in the forest
I found myself betrayed
By slipping mental faculties
Which were leading me astray
I panicked, searching frantically
Through cryptic wood and boundless green
Until I stumbled through the treeline
Across a valley I’d never seen
Before me was a view so stunning
So overflowing with natural splendor
That I fell to my wrinkled knees
And wept in rapturous surrender
There is more to life than her!
My epiphany had made it clear
So I cast her shackles from my life
And banished all my fears
But the excitement is too much
I start to cough and wheeze.
I collapse to the earth below
As my heart begins to seize.
As the forest behind grows darker
And the sun recedes, leaving me
She steps between the trees, gracefully
To bequeath my pyrrhic victory
Embracing me in her dress of ebony
Stitched in entropy. She listens carefully
To the cadence of my fading heartbeat
And in perfect time, sings my elegy
